This year feels like I have jumped out of the starting gate before I was really ready.

Strange feeling that, when I thought that I would be more organised, more grounded and much more at ease. Sometimes it doesn't happen that way and in years gone by I would have made the situation worse by continually lamenting on what I had planned to do that never got done, and feeling like I am running frantically behind a train that I'll never catch. Of course, this only takes up more time, adds more anxiety and results in less contentment.

When my Mum was admitted to a high care nursing home due to her worsening dementia, it really made me re-evaluate what was worth spending my precious time and energy on. It encouraged me to look at my life differently, to prioritise and let go of expectations. It hasn't been an easy 2 1/2 years and it still isn't, with a long road ahead, but I would like to think I have learned a lot about myself in that time. I have found an inner strength and resilience I didn't know i had, and an ability to turn my sadness into action at times to be the physical carer that my Mum needs and the support my Dad needs. Life has come full circle and now it is the child caring for the parents, an experience that I am eternally grateful for.

So, what has all this got to do with creativity you ask?

​For a long time I couldn't art the way I used to. Laden with grief and heartache, at times I couldn't even bring myself to put brush to paper, particularly in the first 6 months after my Mum was admitted.

​For me this self care looks like, but is not limited to, a good walk in the sunshine, a coffee in my favourite cafe, time to journal, meditate and having a regular creative practice are all things that nourish my soul and mental well-being. I'm not saying I have this down pat. I struggle with scheduling time for myself, struggle with the guilt of spending time on myself for the sake of it but I do know that if I don't I will fall back down that rabbit hole. ​

After my recent exhibition with a recycled art theme, I have been playing with art journaling in old magazines. Having the base colours or images on the pages helps to take away the fear of the blank page, allowing me to sit and create art without any pre conceived ideas of where it is going and has become another valuable part of my creative practice. ​

While this particular page is part of my Book of Days lesson, I will be uploading videos on my You Tube channel on my process thoughts on magazine art journaling in the near future

How often do you sit and look at your art journal page, canvas or sheet of watercolour paper uncertain of where to begin, how to begin or anxious that the vision in your mind will not be translated to your artwork? Whether you have been painting for 5 years or 5 minutes, regardless of whether art is a hobby or profession we all can feel some trepidation when beginning a new project.

This weekend I sat down to work on a couple of portrait commissions for a friend and felt the uncertainty of whether I would live up to hers and my expectations. In that moment before pencil touched the paper, it didn't matter that I have been sketching since I was a young girl, gently being guided by my mothers' experienced hand, encouraged to explore my creativity, and then drawing with abandon each time we sat together. In that moment, it didn't matter that I have been studying and practicing art for the 40-odd years since then. All that my mind focused on in those seconds before I began this commission was the self doubt as to whether I could do it.

Do you encounter that? Do you experience self doubt before beginning projects you are creating for others? 

You are not alone dear one.

​For me this happens whenever I am commissioned to paint a piece, but it can also happen when I sit down to art in my own art journal. Thankfully it doesn't happen all the time, but it does happen, and thankfully the time spent in this trepidation stage is getting shorter.

 So, how do you embrace this trepidation, face the fear and begin? How does it make you feel, excited, unsettled, anxious?

Well, there are a couple of rituals or routines I have when I sit down to create.  Lighting a candle, burning some incense, putting on my Spotify playlist of Painting Meditation music helps calm my nerves and soothes my soul. Sketching, doodling in my everyday sketchbook or inexpensive sheet of paper loosens the fingers and releases tension. Whether I am in my studio or not these are adaptable for each setting I am in.

This weekend, after another deep breath, I reminded myself that I can do this, that the person who commissioned me already likes my style and my work, otherwise they wouldn't have commissioned me. After a glance at my ample supply of paper I realised that it is only paper and I can easily begin again should it go pear shaped.

In the end, I believed in myself and took the leap. As you can see I still have many layers to go so stay tuned for the finished work.

What do you do to work with and through this initial trepidation and fear? Do you have rituals or routines you perform to calm your nerves? Share them with me. It will only expand on our mutual creativity toolkit and help support each other.

Would you like to read in more detail about my rituals and routines? I'm thinking of sending out a pdf to my subscribers on this topic. Let me know if this interests you and I'll out one together.

I am over the moon at the number of lovely peeps who have visited my site and looked at my offerings since Book of Days 2019 was launched earlier this month. And I am so proud to say that I have received notification of my first ever sale for an online course. To say I am humbled would be an understatement and I am so pleased that my work has inspired someone to learn more. 

Signups through my affiliate link are how I earn money from this offering and I am so grateful for each and every person who takes the time to click through and register your interest and, if I am so lucky, sign up for next year's adventure.

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​Did you know I be teaching in Effy Wild's Book of Days 2019?

I am so excited to be a part of this collaboration with a bunch of incredible teachers all with the intention of inspiring you, and encouraging and nurturing your art journal and creative practices.


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